|
takeabreakfromlove
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Jesse
Birthday: 8/10/1983
Interests: reading[the bible], exploring, physical labor, daydreaming, writing, kickball, drumming, fellowship, laughing, being sneaky, eating, night games, rock climbing, rhyming with my brother.
Expertise: knowing just enough about something to appear to be knowledgeable. Laughing with my whole body.
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  PrinceMylo
Member Since:
4/23/2003
|
|
| late nights and early mornings.
i love going for walks with my wife. she is my best friend.
the days are long and the years are short. i'll be twenty five this summer.
my mind is settling down after playing soccer. i am wayyyyy too competitive. still.
I had a very good talk with Leslie today about the everyday things that the Lord blesses us with and the answers to our immediate needs that we pray for and being thankful for those while not becoming satisfied in only those things. In contrast to overlooking all the little things that the Lord does for us daily because we are searching for something beyond them, which can lead to frustration. thankfulness vs satisfaction. are those responses different? we will see. It was one of those pleasant winding conversations that includes ideas getting clearer and being pleased with communicating what we're are thinking but still not having a solid answer to a particular question.
Jesus asked me to edit the paragraph i just wrote. we discussed it, he won.
speaking of Jesus, I've been reading about people who say we shouldn't identify with the masculinity of the Jesus that rides to judgment in Revelation 19 because it's too macho and Jesus came to this earth to redeem his bride the church only through suffering and I think that is robbing us of a part of our savior that we need not "compartmentalize" to the future. He was called Faithful and True in that passage, and the more I discover i don't have it together as to what a man is, I know that it becomes more and more about keeping my word and doing what I say I am going to do. The question of "what does faithfulness look like for me?" is an inescapable daily reminder that the Jesus who saved me was completely obedient to the will of his heavenly father, to the point of suffering to prove it. I want to identify with Jesus in being called faithful and i am of the opinion that if more guys were to esteem that being true to there word was Christ-like, then they would become more manly.
Jesus Christ proved his obedience to the Father by suffering this world, and suffering in this world.
I like this concise statement better.
yet the truth of the matter is....I have much more to say and not the wisdom to say it well. and what i want is a broken heart. a broken heart and contrite spirit. it's not something i find i can make myself have.
and that sounds so forced because it is. i want it and can't have it in and of myself. submission is sometimes sucky like that.
but to quote matt fuqua, "praise and worship is a journey sometimes". as cheese as that sounds, it actually makes me feel better.
~JJ
p.s. I am looking for an old couple in denton to disciple us and let us even live with them. know of anyone in the business of doing that? just throwing that one out there.
| | |
| i am gathering my thoughts....
and they are fighting the gathering.
here's a distraction, the headline could be.."finally."
“It is a certain fact that not all Muslims are terrorists, but it is equally certain, and exceptionally painful, that almost all terrorists are Muslims.”
~Abdel Rahman al-Rashed, the general manager of the Arab satellite channel Al-Arabiya.
I have had an exceptional day. and by that, i mean good.
This morning was filled with a quiet hour learning and meditating about prayer that was even sweeter because i spent the hour with a pen in hand. While Leslie and I were out and about, I was able to exactly relate to her what I had been blessed with before she even woke up.
But today was a stereotypical married Saturday. We woke up slow and had coffee over two more chapters in The Last Battle. We made a list of things to do and it included fixing stuff(which we did), paying bills(which we didn't have to do as it turned out. horrah!) and of course the obligatory trip to target. Time also allowed us to reorganize out giant upstairs closet after i put in some new shelves. This was the perfect opportunity to listen to the new Afters album due out this month, which I am excited about. Les even got to bake some delicious carrot-apricot bread for out special breakfast gathering tomorrow. She and I shared a quiet evening with Jen Davis and Jeff Holmes, and it was pleasant to take in a mediocre movie with some friends.
But this is where my thoughts acts like a cat that's been wrapped up in a towel.
my wife is looking at me and she is telling without words that i should hold my tongue, and tell the rest of this story some other time when i have the words to tell it.
and while not formal, my education continues.
p.s. it has been a significant encouragement to hear from those whose eyes find their way to my words.
| | |
| it's been 1743 days since i joined xanga.
but it has only been 137 since i got married, and i have only posted twice in that time.
but it would be nothing short of embarrassing to compare all that I have learned in the past 137 days with all those days previous.
and simply, this causes me to feel like i am slighting anyone who has read this in the past, and who might continue to read it these days. sarah(now smith), larissa, party legs, sharon.
my wife is asleep right now, on my side of the bed. i'm not worried about it though. I am sitting in the reading chair upstairs, and led zeppelin's houses of the holy just finished side one. It's windy outside, and this causes the door to make a high pitched whining sound because of previous water damage. We were waiting up to celebrate our friend mike's 21st birthday at midnight, but Les has been going all day long. I will go it alone, on prior obligation from missing Austin's 21st due to Les and I being worn out. Just the old roommates and some close friends, and some really good gin.
But this is unusual for us, we really are homebodies as newlyweds. We must carve out time to spend with the people whom we share life with, or else they would unintentionally get ignored by quiet evenings as home filled with fine food and music, and lots of reading.
i love to read. I declared this again to Leslie in the car on the way home just now. It's not the beginning of a thought, it's the whole thing, start and finish. I have this pure love of taking in information in written form. the odd part is, there isn't anything more to it. I just love to read, and I always want to be reading. I suppose it hardly needs to be stated, that I've been reading a lot since I've been married. I have consumed several books and countless articles and all the news i can get my hands on. The thing that i heave learned most is that i know relatively very little. At least Henry Adams and i are friends now.
time's up. this was just a peek into the married life.
you can see some beautiful photos at www.jaredrey.com/janis
The Lord of heaven and earth is ever faithful and true.
there is so much more to come.
~JJ
| | |
| a winter day of finest quality,
low clouds and a ceaseless light rain.
The kind of day you can enjoy being sick,
sitting snuggled on the couch, buried into your favorite over-sized sweater.
It's a wintery day fit for a fire, a long afternoon as the sun doesn't set,
but the daylight deceives you as it slips away somewhere hidden by the clouds.
And that wonderful winter day draws close into a harsh winter night.
No longer is the rain the background music; a constant, rhythmic comfort,
but a cold sting on your face as it harasses you on your way.
The soft light from the low afternoon clouds obscures now total light,
blanketing the land with the cold dark that smothers joyful memories
It is a nameless black and penetrates your heart to rob you of the
content stored up from the morning warm in your bed.
It leaves you now huddled on the floor, praying for daylight that tarries far elsewhere.
Gone now is the laughter in your cider by the fire. The wood is spent or wet and the fire is low.
Despair creeps in with the shadow, long and thin, that shorten the room and throw blankets of fear over your heart.
not great, and not finished, but progress. gleaned from the deceptive switch from day to night.
with all the same things that made the day joyful, making the night woeful.
for amber
| | |
| i have been trying to write. i really have.
it almost feels like that there is too much in my life to write about. so much in fact that i cant write.
but if i still cant write, it doesn't mean that i have too much to say, but still nothing to say. i think. i dont like it.
i dont like thinking about it.
the new brown canvas moleskins are a favorite of mine. i prefer the lined, but have been journaling/note taking in an unlined one that i traded velder for. no complaints.
i even have a pretty good idea for the song about heaven that i have wished that i could write for some time now, but still no words. tomorrow we are going to poem&pipe night at lauren taylor's place, maybe i will find some inspiration from the things my friends are saying.
i was very encouraged listening to steven wilbert at artsix. he can still write
i realize that this makes no mention of the fact that i have been wedded since my last post. tough. marriage is wonderful, but i cant write about it. refer to paragraph one.
here is a snipet of the only crap ive been able to scribble...
lets run off to india today
why do we have this need
to sojourn anyway?
we'll leave it all behind
ive got to be brave
but where will we go?
what will i say?
_____________________
if the sun would smile
darkest night and velvet sky
fleeing inevitable eternity
long wails across the sound
piano keys, the trumpet cries
broken lives left undone
the terror of service unmet
duty. a word void of breath.
it sucks. i know it does.
i dont even take the time to do this well anymore.
compared to what i used to write....
the fraternal fire of emerald twins sparkling amidst the soft sea of tender touch
not bad for a line about my wife's eyes.
i dont think too much. i just am undisciplined about what i think about.
i dont think with pen in hand, and i dont read with pen in hand.
why then do i get to complain about not having anything to say later?
i dont know. i talk to myself all day long. liar. i do know. the problem is my friends,
is that what is on my mind is not edifying for the body of Christ to digest in mass.
so my restraining of my mouth becomes more and more as my love and concern
for those that Christ cares about increases. my wife has become my secret keeper.
because she is my best friend.
and God is still faithful. He has given me more than enough times to speak truth into
the lives of those i care most about in recent weeks. and my lifegroup is a wonderful
example of how he can use me one week and use someone else entirely the next.
i am so glad to be just a part of the body. Praise the Lord that I have been delivered out
of the dominion of darkness and into the kingdom of his beloved son.
i guess i am going to be ok with that.
anyway, i will travel to san diego, all over texas, and to florida within the next month
and traveling always getting me thinking in a writing mood. thank god for plane flights.
to god be the glory alone.
| | |
|
